|Intelligent Systems and their Societies||Walter Fritz|
Many times we wish that another person would do something. Here, you will find some indications that will help you to obtain this.
Below, the author uses "she", but that that is always meant to apply to both "he" and "she".
Keep in mind that the other person will only do what she wants to do.
The other person is an intelligent system and therefore always tries to reach its objectives. Naturally you can sometimes force her to do something, making other alternatives very inconvenient (punishment). But that is not the best way.
This is most important
See everything from the other persons point of view, from her objectives, her interests. Be interested and talk about her objectives.
Always be friendly
Call her by her name, say that you appreciate her, that you are on her side. Talk in a friendly tone. The best way to butter up the other person is to talk about her, to tell her exactly what she thinks of herself.
Let her talk first
Let her explain her point of view. Sympathize with her point of view and understand them well. Repeat her point of view with your own words.
The yes, yes
Remember the parts where there is agreement. Start with stating them and try to obtain a "yes" at each point, so she gets into a positive frame of mind.
Explain your idea in detail
Only present ideas that are finalized, with all details well thought out. Express them in a clear and simple way.
She has to be convinced that your idea, your proposal, is really of advantage for her. Explain all the advantages. Use emotions. Only as a last resort use reasoning.
Create interest through knowledge. Create enthusiasm through interest.
Repeat her objections with even more emphasis, thus showing that you understood them (and so she does not have to mention them any more). Avoid arguments. If there is much resistance to your idea stop and present it again another day. Concede minor points. If you are wrong, admit it at once, even exaggerate. She may take the other side, saying that you are not that far wrong.
Center attention on how to do it
To finalize, do not talk about whether to do it, but explain in detail how to do it.
See also Persons as Intelligent Systems (For continuous reading, like a book - do not enter here now).
For continuous reading, like a book - continue
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